man, i should have just said "yeah."

i'm fuzzy on the chronology because it was a while ago but i think it must have been winter and i know it must have been one of the first times she stayed over. it was the first time i took a shower while she was over, anyway. and it's not like my place was soundproof, so i shouldn't have been surprised when i came out and she said to me "you blow your nose in the shower." it wasn't a question, just a statement. almost as if to say "you blow your nose in the shower too."

but i was scared she would be grossed out. so, thinking fast: "no. actually i was sniffing in." as if that doesn't make a completely different sound. as if anyone would be fooled.

she just smiled and said "oh," and i went about putting on some clothes or something. it never came up again and in my estimation it was no more of a big deal to her at the time that i fibbed about a gross thing i did than it was to me.

but thinking back now to that moment, and to all the times in my life when i've been given a pass by someone when maybe i didn't deserve it, i...

i don't know. maybe i hoped to draw some sort of poetic conclusion from that. or maybe it's a nice little anecdote on its own. i guess it means something to me, more now than then. that i've been lucky once or twice. maybe that things aren't always as fragile as they seem. maybe.

either way, i smiled to remember.