ow my ear.

i can pinpoint the exact time and place that i realized i'm not a good dancer. it wasn't the first time i'd thought it might be true, but it was the first time i really believed it. may 26, 2000. it was raining that night, a little. and colder than i'd hoped it would be. it's funny, but i think once i really accepted it, that's when it became finally, irreversibly true. every time i try to dance i can't help but to think back to that moment. and it fucks up my groove, man.

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i wrote something today. something pretty good. but it's really personal. maybe if i can change some things around but keep it pretty good it'll become a song you can hear sometime. i'm not trying to be a dick or anything. i just figured i'd mention it since i was complaining about writer's block yesterday. maybe it's getting better.

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when i was 18 i got my ear pierced. this was, like everything else it seems, made into a much bigger deal than it really was. or maybe it was really a big deal. i could go either way on that one. the guy who did it was really scary looking but really nice. i didn't bleed much at all. my girlfriend basically hemmoraged. but i remember telling my brother via instant message and saying something like "don't tell mom and dad" and him saying "they're right here and dad is pissed."

they didn't make much of a big deal of it though, my parents. whether or not they were really pissed. so you know, i've got that going for me.

anyway, this morning my towel got caught on it and ripped it right off. the ball fell out months ago and so it's just been an incomplete (and bent) loop for a pretty long time, i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. it didn't tear skin (or cartilage) or anything, but it still hurt pretty bad*. and i was late for work so i decided to take the workday to think about whether i still wanted to keep it.

i guess i did. so when i got back home i stood in the mirror and somehow managed to get it back on. it was really hard. it took me like 15 minutes and it hurt almost as much as pulling it out. i guess it comes down to this: i just didn't like the thought of letting a towel decide for me when i was going to finally grow up and get rid of it. i'll do that in my own time.

*when i was a kid one time two girls beat the crap out of each other in the halls at school and an earring was ripped. i didn't even see it for myself but that image gives me the willies. the worst willies ever.