so this happened to me a few mornings ago but i didn't want to write about it right away because i thought maybe i could just shut it out of my brain like it never happened. i now realize i can't (not without years of therapy) so here goes:
i woke up around the same time i always do and stumbled out of bed towards the shower. it's been hot as shit in new york so i turned on some comfortably cool water and felt it for a while with my hand while i stared in the mirror trying not to look so tired. (you know, kinda like how when someone wakes you up with a phone call but you try to talk like you're not just waking up but they can always tell anyway? like that only with looks.)
so i get in the shower. i always wash my hair first. so i did that. and you know, conditioner and shit, that all happens too. then i reach for my poofy scrubber thing. you know, those things that are like big bundles of plastic netting? i have no idea what they're called, but practically everyone uses one or at least has seen one so i'm assuming you know what i mean. i soap it up and get ready to go to work, when i notice a little black thing on it (could have been towel fuzz because my stupid black towels always leave fuzz). a closer look reveals it's a little baby cockroach.
ok, so at this point if you don't live in new york city you're probably totally grossed out. if you do live in new york city you're like yeah so what. those goddamn things are just everywhere. you deal with it. it's not like i leave food sitting out in the bathroom.
i flicked the sonofabitch off and watched him go down the drain. on with the scrubbing. but then, after a few mins of sending that soapy poof to all the places it needs to go, i took a closer look. turns out on the underside of the thing (the side i was holding with my hand as i used it) there were at least 30 more baby cockroaches.
now even if you live in new york you're grossed out.
the only thing i can think is that some stupid mama cockroach thought that would be a nice place to lay some eggs (but then, where isn't a good place for cockroach eggs?). needless to say, my scrubbing tool has been thrown out, and i've spent some time checking every dark corner of my bathroom for more colonies. none. an isolated incident, i'm hoping.
but i mean...come on. how gross is that?
Holy god. I would've shaved off all my body hair if that happened to me. Now you've given me another reason to never move to New York. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I think they're called "loofahs". Unless you're Bill O'Reilley; then they're called "falafels".