i don't know how to say this so i'm just going to say it.
i was just in my kitchen doing dishes when a cockroach scampered across the counter from under the microwave. a pretty big one. so i did what i always do, attacking with whatever weapon was available. which in this case happened to be a fork.
by some karmically twisted miracle of physics, its guts shot me right in the fucking eye.
now i've had some really disgusting things happen to me in my day. anyone who was with me at woodstock '99 can attest to at least one chart-topper (don't even bother asking). but this really takes the cake. i'm not sure i'll ever recover.