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26 November 2005

oh my god oh my god

so i found it. it was in my briefcase, which is something i got at a yard sale when i was a little kid and treasured above most other things because it locked with a combination (which i still remembered, miraculously) and it's where i kept shit that either i wanted to keep safe or i didn't want anyone else to see or usually both. the contents of that briefcase could be a whole other post...but we'll see about that later.

we called ourselves "the undercover beat" and we recorded 5 songs. i had totally forgotten that my younger brother also participated, so in addition to the two 10 year old voices i described earlier, there is an even younger sounding 7 year old. at the end of every song we screamed in non-unison "yo, we outta heeeere."

our tape was called the undercover beat - go through tough times. here's the tracklisting:
  • "playin' hookey" (not sure why we neglected the exclamation point on this one) was a bit of a point/counterpoint argument about the merits of a good education. really creative stuff. if you didn't want to get sent to the "fat, ugly" principal's office and end up working at mcdonalds with all the other "idiots" you'd better learn your maths.
  • "darn those drugs!" contains repeated assertions that drug dealers would hold guns to your head to make you try marijuana, but if you sped away fast enough on your bike, you'd be safe once you reached your front yard. this is even funnier if you've ever been to monroe, connecticut, circa 1990.
  • "traffic jam!" is a prime example of overreaching. not only had none of us ever driven a car, but i doubt any of us had even been in real traffic in any car, period. again, you'd know if you'd been around when this was made. also, we must've been trying to sound really pissed and exasperated about the exhaust fumes but in reality we just sounded really squeaky and this is the least listenable song in a collection of entirely unlistenable songs.
  • "we did it!" was an extremely make-you-squirm patriotic celebration of the usa's victory in operation desert storm. complete with someone audibly pausing the nintendo in the middle for an a cappella rendition of "america the beautiful" that goes on waaay too long. if i wasn't so bent on keeping this under wraps, i bet the cia could use it to interrogate bad guys instead of torturing them like dick cheney likes to do. actually maybe this would still be considered torture.
  • "smog - so what else is new?" probably would be the best song (it's got some really big words in it which i surely did not write) but it's interrupted a few times by another friend who taped over our sweet beats with some insinuations about our sexual orientations.
all in all, i'm not sure i'm glad that i found it and i'm probably not tough enough to post any audio for you to hear because it's way worse than even my worst nightmares. but i haven't made my final decision yet.


  1. "this is even funnier if you've ever been to monroe, connecticut, circa 1990"

    LMAO over here.... Pot 'dealers' with guns, and traffic jams? Are you kidding me? ;) Love it. God, I remember some of the stuff we used to do as kids, and I'm 1/2 glad and 1/2 disappointed it's not on tape. One of my great friends and I, when we were about 6, decided to have (instead of a lemonade stand, bo-o-oring) a make-up stand by the side of the road. Complete with our own make-overs as advertising. Twice as funny if you know how much traffic passes by in the outskirts of Lebanon, Ct. Silliness!

    I'd love to hear the hilarity, if you decide to post it! :) Though I do like the idea of giving it to the CIA as a 'more humane' form of interrogation, LOL.

  2. post! post! post! post!

    I am particularly interested in "We did it!"...I am sure Mr Bush could make some use of it (with a little lyrical reworking) to make everyone thing Iraq was the best decision ever...

  3. At least send me a physical copy. I will email you my address. Hell, I'll even paypal you some dough for shipping and copying expenses. Please please please please.

  4. alright. i'll post a snippet or two sometime. i've just gotta figure out a way to get this thing digitized so it's audible.

    also i promise you will regret asking for it.