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14 November 2005

dragon kicks, funky phresh lyrics

when i was very young, my friend garrett and i recorded a rap record. i had gotten mc hammer's please hammer don't hurt 'em in my easter basket, and i was so pumped. so we wrote and recorded rap songs onto a tape. it would be a miracle if that tape still exists*, but if i can find it next time i'm at my parents' house, maybe i'll share it with you.

this was really high-tech production, too. what we did was set a simple tape recorder up in his basement, and played nintendo until we got to a level that we could sit still in and the music would loop. then we'd hit record, use the looped nintendo music as our "beat," and rap about god knows what. i particularly remember a scene in double dragon 3** that we used a few times.

seriously though. just try to to imagine exactly how bad this was. i guarantee it's worse than you think. 2 prepubescent nerdy white kids trying to be mc hammer. i'm dying to see if i can find it now that somehow this memory has surfaced after all these years.

i don't even remember what we called ourselves, how many songs we did, what they were about, or what evil spirit it was that convinced us that we would be cool for having done it. but i guess for both of us it was foreshadowing. garrett makes movies now. and here i am still trying to make records.

* i have dodgy memories of a ceremonial burning when we were older, but i don't know if we actually did it or just talked about it.

* also i am remembering now that the intro scene in double dragon 3 referred to the lee brothers as "bimmy and jimmy" instead of billy and jimmy. fucking rock. oh also i just found this review of the game that made me laugh...that game really was fucking impossible. even with game genie i couldn't beat that thing. and this is me, the guy who can beat contra without dying once.


  1. Dude, you have to find that tape. That shit's gonna show up on VH-1 someday if you're not careful. Might as well get it all out there now.

  2. don't worry man. even if it's too humiliating for me to post it up here, i'll send you a copy. if it still exists. i'll be turning the house inside out for it over thanksgiving.

  3. Bimmy Dump say wha?