oh megan, i wish it was that easy.

god damn. i have been trying to write a first sentence for this for like 45 minutes. i think i'm going to settle on "god damn."

my friend chris asked me the other day why i write music. because he writes it too and once in a while we ask each other and our answers usually are close to the same after we get through all the bullshit. but i don't want to put words directly into his mouth so i'll really only talk about myself here even though i already namedropped him.

so the first thing you usually say is you do it for girls. i don't know why, but basically everyone says this. like "i want a girl to hear my music someday and fall for me madly." but the truth is you want a girl who doesn't hate your music and is madly mad for the rest of you which is more important because your songs don't age and you do. and she does, too. yeah man. that's the girl you want.

so then you say you want to change the world, or that you have something inside you somewhere that you think the world might like to hear and you're trying to make music your voice or something, but that's bullshit too. because you know you're not going to change the world. bono isn't really changing the world (though he'd tell you differently i'm sure) and let's face it, you're not bono. and there is nothing you can say that hasn't been said before. all you can do is try to say it your own way and hope it resonates with someone.

and you get about that far and then you realize you just nailed it. you do it because you want to be for someone what someone else was for you. you want someone to hear a song and feel the way you felt when you first heard sic transit gloria...glory fades or the other megan or fucking thunder road. can you do that? probably not. but you only live once...might as well give it a shot, right? anyway, you imagine some real satisfaction in that kind of connection.

or you can just be a dick and say you do it because you like to. which is true, but i mean, come on. let's scratch the surface a bit, shall we?

i wasn't really going to write all this out because it's kinda crazy and i doubt many people care but i was reading a really long post by another great friend of mine named dave that really got me going. and this started out as a response to him but kinda got off track so i figured i'd just toss it up here with all of my other nonsense.