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21 September 2006

it's like you said. all i am is what i'm going after.

i suppose it was only a matter of time before this fairy tale ended and cold, hard reality reared its antennaed head. today on the front porch of my new apartment, i saw the biggest goddamn centipede i have ever seen in my entire life. granted i'd never seen one at all until 2003, but this one was still by far the biggest. not so much longer, but definitely fatter. and faster. and greyish, instead of the usual brownish yellow. 

we're talking about as thick as a cigarette. at least a virginia slim. i thought about running upstairs to get my camera and running back down to get a shot to show you, but then i figured he and i would probably meet again soon enough in probably a much more uncomfortable situation (maybe he'll dart out from underneath my comforter in the morning when it ended up on the floor the night before) because that's just how my experiences with these guys seem to go.

why didn't i just kill it, you ask? because i fear and respect and honor him as my enemy. and because he was not technically inside a combat zone (the house) and because he didn't make any sudden movements in my direction, we just shared a moment and went our separate ways, both knowing that one day, it might not end so peacefully. you know the scene in heat where pacino pulls deniro over on the highway and then they have coffee in some diner and then at the end they tell each other that now that they've met face to face if they have to kill each other they won't hesitate because that's who they are and that's what they do but they won't enjoy it? it was kinda like that. 

i'm pacino. or i guess "vincent hanna."

Vincent Hanna: You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gotta do. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down.
Neil McCauley: There is a flip side to that coin. What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We've been face to face, yeah. But I will not hesitate. Not for a second.


  1. Oh. MyGod. The Centipedes. *shiver*

    Actually, the itty bitty baby ones aren't so bad, I've seen several of those lately.

    But cigarette-sized? Eep. Good luck, dude.

  2. Oh dude, good news...

    The spider finally killed the centipede! Or at least it died of starvation. I am satisfied either way.

    If you are Vincent Hanna, then I guess that would make me Buffalo Bill. (The spider lives in the basement)

    So now you have two options if you decide to throw honor to the wind and destroy these fuckers. Trap them in a plastic container for a week; or release large venomous spiders into your apartment.

    Although then you may need to bring in a variety of tropical birds when the spider population gets out of control. And then a certain species of snake to regulate the bird population. And if the snakes are ferocious breeders, you may have to invest in several gorillas, but don't worry, they'll just freeze to death in the winter.

  3. God you are so New York!!! They are just bugs, come to Australia, we'll show you some bugs boy...

    (ok now you need to picture Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee...

    "That's not a bug. THIS is a bug")